AntoniMaroto.com

This blog remains online, but it's not being updated anymore.

Instead, further updates are only taking place on my new website AntoniMaroto.com.

See you there!

Thank you,

Antoni Maroto

Love Penalty

Sentenced to death

I can’t escape

What can I do?

It tears me in two!

Flowers passing out in a jar pot

Feelings of a missing touch that I once had

Evaporating was my sugar

Full of anger and revenge

Don’t forget it...

In a blood pool, I drain you out

While I hold you from the chin

I stick my rotten teeth in your neck

And taste the sweetness of the silk

I feel you fading into my space

But I won't share my suffering

Though I wish I had a partner

In crime we are all enemies

You believed in me

I believed in you, I believed in you, I believed in you...

But I have betrayed you

Now I rest in peace, now I rest in peace, now I rest in peace...

And now...

I am paying for my sins

Love, love penalty...

I don’t want to hurt again

But if I don’t, I will be dead

What’s the sense of my existence?

Living like this ain’t nothing but resistance

What for...

In a blood pool I drain you out

While I hold you from the chin

I stick my rotten teeth in your neck

And taste the sweetness of the silk

I feel you fading into my space

But I won't share my suffering

Though I wish I had a partner

In crime we are all enemies

I wrote this one for Go Ape in 2008.

Vertigo

Alan Wilder, formerly of Depeche Mode, one of my favorite bands, started a band named Recoil in 1986.

In 2000, Recoil released "Liquid", an experimental electronica album that features a song titled "Vertigen" ("Vertigo" in Catalan). The song was written and narrated by Rosa Torras. It features some chanting by my beloved Diamanda Galas.

These are the original lyrics:

Aquell matí em vaig llevar. No recordo on ni tan sols el temps que fa. I tot havia canviat. Però jo no ho sabia encara. I més m'hagués valgut no saber-ho mai. El meu món era petit, però suficient, abans. Deixà de ser-ho. La meva vida: un cel particular, nul·la incertesa, dolça soledat.

Més tard: cau soterrat, previsibilitat maleïda, asfixiant aïllament. Mai res m'havia fet tanta falta. Ni la sang que per les venes em corre no necessitava amb la mateixa urgència. Mentre el dolor creixia, de sobte, aquell soroll estrepitós, insuportable. Cridant, plorant, vaig córrer.

Era incapaç de sentir els meus crits, de segur esgarrifosos. De sobte, l'abisme s'obrí sota els meus peus. Morir volia, recuperar el meu cau, la meva estimada soledat, els meus llimbs, la meva preuada illa. I vaig caure. Queia, sentint-me cada vegada més prop d'aquell horror, del meu propi dolor, del més terrorífic despertar dels meus sentits, tot just acabat de descobrir.

Ja no recordo quan va ser que vaig despertar aquell fatídic matí, aleshores salvador. No recordo quan fa que estic caient, que caic, veient la fi més propera cada vegada, però amb la incertesa de si mai arribarà. Ara el dolor sembla no tenir límits. El dolor i la por són tot el que sento. Tinc por de caure per sempre.

And this is my translation to English:

I woke up that morning. I don't remember where, nor how long ago. And everything had changed. But I didn't know it yet. And I wish I never knew. Before, my world was small, but enough. That ceased. My life: a private heaven, no uncertainty, sweet solitude.

Later: a buried shelter, cursed sureness, suffocating isolation. Nothing had ever felt so needful. Not even the blood that runs through my veins, I didn't need it so urgently. While the pain was growing, suddenly, that thunderous noise, unbearable. Shouting, crying, I ran.

I was incapable of feeling my own screaming, creepy for sure. Suddenly, the abyss broke under my feet. I wanted to die, get my shelter back, my beloved solitude, my limbo, my appraised island. And I fell. I was falling, feeling closer and closer to that horror, to my own pain, to the most terrifying awakening of my senses, that I had just discovered.

I don't remember anymore when I woke up that fateful morning, salvation back then. I don't remember when I started falling, for how long I'm falling, while I see the end closer and closer, but not knowing for sure if it will ever come. Now pain seems to have no limits. Pain and fear are all I feel. I am afraid to be falling forever.

You can listen to it here.

Read this post in Catalan.

Birthday

Since today is my birthday, I am going to introduce myself and talk a little about me.

My name is Antoni Maroto (Toni) and I was born on July 2nd, 1983. I live in the metropolitan area of Barcelona, Catalonia – still a stateless nation.

Languages, music, reading, and writing are among my biggest passions in life. I am very grateful for being able to communicate, create and learn.

I live in three languages: English, Catalan, and Spanish. In addition, I have diverse levels of knowledge of French, German, Galician, Russian and Hebrew. This love for languages led me to complete a licentiate degree in Translation and Interpretation.

I consider myself an avid, creative and dynamic translator. I would love to get a full-time position as a digital & social media agent in the areas of content, communication and/or customer experience.

Currently, I have been working as a home banking agent for the past six years. There, I cover several channels on a 24/7 service: telephone, email, chat, and social networks. Indeed, social networks and digital media have been the areas in which I have excelled at.

I believe that my best quality is that I am highly decisive. I also execute my tasks quickly and handle them with great quality.

Psychomoon

Mirrored on my window was

Sweet honey psychomoon

Under the pink light

Grew amongst flakes of paper

In her lonely planet

White she lives alone

Blue moods reflect on psychomoon

Light a scar on my heart

Playing the game of queens

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go

Where are the keys?

Where is the dream?

He is long gone

Late is burning smiling

There is never night

Psychomoon is the sun

He gives life to us

If you get closer

You'll be burned and die

Candypoison

Don't find the bones

Psychomoon is sweet

Tori Amos is bitter

Under the pink light

Mirrored on my window was

Never saw the flakes of paper

In her lonely planet

White she doesn't live alone

He looks after her

A cycle that never ends

Where are we going?

To the other side?

Someone is calling

But I don't

Care, care, care, care, care, care, care

Psychomoon sleep between my arms

He slept with the devil

When he loved god

He broke his feelings

To serve you whole

You have hurt him that

He is in the hole

Can't he go out?

He's strong enough

Psychomoon keeps a secret

The queen kissed his scar

I know it

I was lost in my world

The ray came to my window

I had to go on

With psychomoon in my pocket

In my ears and my eyes

Yes, little you

You, you, you, you, you, you, you

I wrote this in August 2003.

Anne Frank

Comité Cisne was a pop band from Spain that existed between the years 1984 and 1991.

In 1987, they released a song called "Ana Frank", in which they paid tribute to this well-known writer, who died at a very young age in the Holocaust.

Slaughterhouse

I wrote "Slaughterhouse" in 2008 for Go Ape - a band in which I was the lead singer.

These next words describe the miserable life of animals in factory farms:

Welcome to your worst nightmare... reality!

I cannot hide it

I can’t be quiet

About your values

About your acts

I am gonna try it

You gonna crack

Enter this cage

Spend all day

In this position

Fulfill my mission

Forget emotions

Insane corrosion

Oh, you’re just an object

Of my possession

C’mon now feed my obsession

Free me, free me now...

Time to go out

To slaughterhouse

You’ll see the light

Paradise

Brothers and sisters

Ahead and behind

I smell the fear

The pain of death

Try to resist

You may escape

Upside down

Screaming loud!

Oh, I feel the knife

Through my throat

Oh, I feel my blood

Pouring down...

Someday you will pay

Someday you will suffer... your desires

If you follow the link above, you will be able to listen to a demo of this song.

Lastly, I would like to stress that I do not mean to be judgmental, even though I believe in raising awareness when it comes to knowing how food is currently being produced.

READ: Vegetarian

Stones

Don't bring me flowers, please!

They are beautiful, I know.

But they eventually rot...

If you want to keep my memory alive,

Place some stones, 

So our memories weigh more...

The practice of burying the dead with flowers is almost as old as humanity. Even in prehistoric caves, some burial sites have been found with evidence that flowers were used in interment.

Jew­ish authorities, however, have often objected to this practice. Though there are scattered talmudic mentions of spices and twigs used in burial, the prevailing view was that bringing flowers derives from a pagan custom.

That is why today one rarely sees flowers on the graves in tra­ditional Jewish cemeteries. Instead there are stones, small and large, piled without pattern on the graves.

Stones generally conjure a harsh image. Indeed, it may not seem the appropriate memorial for one who has died. But stones have a special character in Judaism.

In the Bible, an altar is no more than a pile of stones, but it is on an altar that one offers to G-d.

The stone upon which Abraham takes his son to be sacrificed is called even hashityah: the foundation stone of the world.

In fact, the most sacred shrine in Judaism, after all, is a pile of stones – the wall of the Second Temple.

Flowers are surely a good metaphor for life. Life withers; it fades like a flower. As Isaiah says, “All flesh is grass, and all its beauty like the flower of the field; grass withers and flowers fade” (Isaiah 40:6-7). Therefore, one may conclude that flowers are an apt symbol of passing.

But memory is supposed to be lasting. And while flowers may be a good metaphor for the brevity of life, stones seem better suited to the permanence of memory. Stones do not die, do they?

The poem above is a creation of mine, but the article is an edited version of this one.

Beautiful Short Circuits

I hear your winter is coming

I feel the snow is falling

Covering my burning

Open scars of fight

Silence my ambition

Place me on a position

Leading to a transition

Unexpected turn

In my bloodstream traveling

All my senses numbing

On the way to pleasure

I forget to live

Detaching from my misery

Dreaming of a perfect me

When no one can hurt me

Everything is clear

An everlasting rush I need

I want to live eternally

Never again touching the ground

I'm afraid it will swallow me all

I swear I'd give you anything

To stay like this forever

Don't interfere in my daydream

The only thing I own is this

I'm happy like never before

If you don't approve, c'mon, move

It's not your business to decide

What's good for me or what's bad

Where's your happiness now?

Where's your happiness now?

Didn't you consider the chance of having a short circuit?

Can't you see this is destroying you?

You are burning!

But you are still on time to survive

Don’t surrender, not yet…

One day I changed the stage

Everything was nothing

Digging on a hollow sea

Black as never ending night

Looking for the smallest light

To prove me there's an afterlife

While vomiting the ashes

Of the older times

I guess I want to try

By ending my beginning

Ending my beginning...

I wrote this in 2010, while in a band named LSD Ravens.

Pain

Once I was the singer in a band called Go Ape.

The band formed in the summer of 2008 in Barcelona, Catalonia, and lasted only a year.

We played four shows in the first half of 2009 and started recording our first album, even though this was never completed, because we split soon after.

This was the last song I wrote while I was in the band (it was neither recorded nor ever played live).

I choose to publish this today, as we commemorate the Shoah (Holocaust Remembrance Day) and pain is the first thing that comes to my mind when I think of it:

Pain

I cannot dive into your eyes
An empty land, that's paradise
A storm of dust, remaining sand
The wind is blowing there inside

No liquid life, no hope to arise
A vast plateau extending far
I want to cry, I want to die
I feel a void I cannot stop

It grows in me, it grows in time
I'm flying to the promised land
The journey is long, I'm coming old
When will this suffering be done?

You were my life, you were my path
And now I have to wave goodbye
I have no choice, I have no force
I see I don't know what I want

I feel so lost, I feel alone
I wish I just could get back home
Oh rescue me or leave me now
Please end this torture on your own

End this torture now...

I like it
I hate it
Please end it right now

L-I-V-E

Behold all directions: north, south, east and west. And all in between, plus up and down.

Past, present and future. Frontwards, backwards and sideways.

- Walk!

- ...

- I said walk!

- I'm confused, I don't know where to go, I'm scared!

- Of what?

- Of potential dangers.

- You said it well yourself: potential means it could happen, but it may not happen as well.

- Bad things happen.

- Good things happen too, so are you going to spend your time wondering about what bad things could happen to you, or are you going to enjoy the good ones that surely will happen?

- I don't want to be caught by surprise when bad things happen, because you and I know they will. I want to be ready.

- That's just lost energy; and time. Enjoy and trust yourself. You will know how to manage when faced with real danger. And if not, you will learn. So don't be afraid: live and enjoy.

- Ok!

This text is all a creation of mine.

Read this post in Catalan.

Corruptéd

In the deepest o’ thine heart

In the midst o’ thine eternal sorrow

Thou wilt ne’er alone be

Tho’ wantest thou to die

Tho’ wantest thou not a tomorrow

Will I to save thee appear

Thou many things to this world to say hast

We all know that ‘tis full o’ façade

We all know that ‘tis full o’ lies

But thou something important to say hast

Kept’st thou thy tears inside

Now ‘tis time to let them go outside

Do not be afraid o’ what they would say

Didst thou not know ‘tis a way of life?

We all are not the same type o’ mind

In the midst o’ this bloody rain I daresay

So ‘tis a good point in shadow

‘Tis provoked by light

And alone or together we’ll it find

Thou many things to this world to demonstrate hast

‘Tis scribed ‘tis full o’ fassade

‘Tis paroled ‘tis full o’ lies

But thou something important to live hast

Corruptéd but wi’ right

To live in a world black

I wrote this piece in May 10th, 2002.

Believe

I believe in the power of a word.

I believe in the power of letting go.

I believe in me.

I believe in you*:

• [insert name here]
• partner / spouse
• offspring (no human/non-human distinction)
• family
• friends
• G-d

*The order of the factors does not affect the product

Read this post in Catalan.